Rabbit Holes
Every day the Holy Man walked to the Ganges and swam in its sacred waters. Making his way from his small hut to the river’s edge, his feet touched the ground as prayer.
In his town was a man who felt great irritation whenever he crossed paths with the Saint. He was convinced that this alleged Holy Man was a fraud.
One day, the man was sitting on the side of the road chewing a betel leaf as the Saint passed by. It occurred to him to spit the remains of the leaf onto him. And so he did.
The Holy Man quietly turned back towards the Ganges and swam again. This went on for some time.
Many weeks later, sitting on the side of the road and waiting for the Saint to pass by, the man was once again poised to spit upon the Saint. As the Saint rounded the corner and came into view, he suddenly realized that he could not break the deep state of concentration held by this Great One. And so instead of spitting, he threw himself at the Saint’s feet, begging for forgiveness.
The Holy Man listened to his pleading, looking perplexed. Finally, and ever so gently, he pulled him up from his prostration and with his eyes brimming with tears said, “Why do you ask for forgiveness? There is nothing to forgive. To you, I am grateful. Because of you, I swam twice as often in the Holy Ganges.”
*****
This is not a story about finding a silver lining in a difficult situation. Our Saint was not making lemonade out of lemons. Rather, it is a story of a being whose mind was serene and placid, like the surface of a perfectly still lake, revealing the Supreme Silence within. It is a story of compassion that does not originate in the mind, but rather reveals itself in emptiness.
Most of us live in the cacophony of the mind in which a perspective or a point of view reigns supreme. Underneath this cacophony is a substratum that does not have a point of reference. The mind is often disoriented and frightened by this, as it suggests its own demise. It takes courage to sit in this place of emptiness.
Similar to the way in which the turbulence on the surface of the ocean does not reach its depths, suffering cannot disturb us when we are resting here. All sorrow vanishes with a serene mind. This is what we call peace.
For the mystical path — the path of direct knowing — it is necessary to calm down the churn of the mind. When we do so, the Supreme Silence reveals itself, and our actions then arise from emptiness — the very font of compassion, wisdom and peace.
This does not mean, however, that action arising from a quiet mind will necessarily be serene. A quiet mind may lead us to a fierce response. But action that passes through the filter of a placid mind will carry a different tone — a different signature — than action arising from an agitated mind.
One way to help us quiet the mind is to stop negative trains of thought. The great Hugging Saint (Amma) says that we are not responsible for the first negative thought which enters our mind. But we are responsible for the second.
It takes presence of mind to notice when we are going down the rabbit hole of negative thinking. Quite often our great companion — self righteousness — happily escorts us, grateful for a warm and secure place to hide. But even when we develop enough awareness to notice that we are going down a rabbit hole of negativity we are often hesitant to stop it.
Why?
Because we genuinely believe our negative thoughts. We are deeply invested in our storyline. Our narrative is our very identity, and our identity is the flow of the mind stream which, over time, develops deep and well worn grooves. This becomes the ground that we stand on, the sense of “I” that, ironically, keeps us in a state of separation. We tend to guard this like a precious jewel.
A typical rabbit hole/storyline might go something like this:
I was robbed by a Martian. Martians are terrible. You can’t trust them, not for one minute. They will stab you in the back. They are looking for trouble. I want nothing to do with them. Next time I come in contact with one I’ll be ready. In fact, I’m going to set a trap now. They deserve what is coming to them. Damn Martians.
The truth is, most of us feel that we have a right to our negative thoughts. And why wouldn’t we? Our negativity has often been hard earned. And sometimes our pain, anguish, outrage, or despair needs to be given voice.
For this reason, healing work may be necessary to let go of rabbit holes. We may benefit from turning towards spirals of negativity with a spirit of inquiry and without judgement, honoring ourselves and all that we have suffered. But it is important that this not be a landing pad. We don’t want to live here. The higher purpose of healing work is not to refine our narrative, but to ultimately let it go.
In our country’s present day narrative there are many angular and hardened sides. It is hard to hear each other because everyone is quite sure that they are right. The “other” appears as uninformed, naive, or harmful. We often seek evidence for our perspective, speaking emphatically, desperately trying to be heard. For some, there is a feeling that the only way to save ourselves is to convince others of our point of view. Others might withdraw from the entire show with a sense of cynicism, apathy or despair.
Many people’s hearts are in the right places, with a desire for truth, equity and justice. We long for a world in which we demonstrate care for each other and for our sacred earth. But when we take this longing into the court of opinion, our minds butt up against each other, and the deeper, quieter and profoundly wise voice within cannot be heard.
We tend to unconsciously assume that the greater our outrage, the more we care. But in actuality, our agitation and subsequent outrage is what Amma is describing as the first thought. And this isn’t the problem, as the first thought often brings something to our attention. It is the second thought, the third and the fourth, that is problematic.
Over time, our conclusions become our very identity and we will go to great lengths to defend and protect them. This obscures direct perception and the deeper wisdom that lies within us — a font of wisdom that often gives birth to the most interesting, unpredictable and often radical responses to whatever moment we are in.
What is the alternative? It is to bring our attention to the source of our actions.
The Saint in our story was immersed in a state of love, freedom, and peace, sourced from the Supreme Silence within. Out of these depths his response to the angry man was entirely unpredictable, inconceivable in a certain way, melting the hardened heart of the man who was suffering under the burden of resentment and hatred.
The guidance that is sourced from within cannot be prescribed. It does not follow rules or guidelines. The Saint may well have responded to the angry man with some high level martial art move. Or, he may have become playful and silly, morphing into a sacred clown. But that was not the medicine needed in that moment. How do I know? Because his response arose from Supreme Silence, the source of wisdom itself.
To surrender our negative thoughts is to surrender our false sense of control. This is a radical act of faith, as it suggests that there is such a thing as wisdom sourced beyond our mind. This kind of faith can only be born out of our direct experience.
The invitation is to notice when you have fallen down the rabbit hole of negativity and pull yourself back. It is important that you then have a different anchor for your attention, so find a phrase or a mantra that you can turn to instead, or focus on your breath. If you find significant resistance to doing so, consider that there may be important healing work to do. Then, take the negative thought pattern and gratefully and tenderly offer it to Source, the Light Within, or however you conceive of the Highest.
Jan Birchfield
1/20/21
